Everyone is on a God sent mission to piss me off right now. Why do you feel the need to be an asshole to me after I told you I was having a bad night. Plus, I’m in my goddamn feelings. Scotty’s getting high, so we’re barely speaking. Thank god I made this fucking tumblr for momentslike this. Anyone I vent to is just a major dick, rude. I just need to medicate and forget everyone at this point. Goodbye Tumblr.
I wake up and it isn’t any better. Yet again I’m in a terrible mood because as much as I tried not to ruin boyfriend night, I did. I hate expressing my feelings to anyone, I really do. That’s why this tumblr is here, obviously. I just don’t like talking about things that made me mad or sad, because talking about them is just going to put me right back into my feelings. I hate bringing up old shit, and that’s what happened this morning. It fucking sucks, and I just want food.
My day was great. I usually have pretty normal days thrown off by something terrible. It’s a given. It always happens. I spent my day at the library. I read Columbine. Columbine the school shooting. That just got me wondering about the crazy people at my school. I had a pretty good night with my friends, but I got home and it all turned to shit. My emotions caved in and swallowed me whole with no warning. At first i was annoyed. Then I got sad. Then I was a mix, and I just panicked. I had another anxiety attack as per usual. They’ve been coming up a lot more lately and I don’t know why. I took my medicine again, that’s how I know it’s bad. I sound like a highly suicidal and depressed teenager, but I’m not. Just a 16 year old with a lot of bad memories that choose to haunt me forever. I just want it to be over. i just wish I could go to bed without the constant thought about life and what I’ve been through. I just need a therapist, majorly. Ugh.
Fuck my life, seriously. I can never just be happy can I? Maybe it’s just a teenage thing. Maybe everything I’ve ever been through is just a teenage phase, and I’m just suppose to be okay with it and move on. Why can I not move on? Am I not suppose to? I’m well over my old relationships. That’s not what I’m getting at. The heartbreaks of lost family. Lost friends. The insecurities. The abuse. Everything. Am I just suppose to be over it now? Should I get help? No. Megan Budnick doesn’t need help. I don’t need anyones help except for this tumblr. Dedicating this blog solely to my feelings and why they happen the way they happen. Come with me on my adventure I call a life.